These Advice given by My Father That Saved Us when I became a New Father

"I think I was merely just surviving for twelve months."

Ex- Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the demands of becoming a dad.

Yet the actual experience soon proved to be "very different" to his expectations.

Severe health complications during the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver as well as looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I took on every night time, every change… every stroll. The job of both parents," Ryan stated.

After eleven months he became exhausted. That was when a chat with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward statement "You aren't in a good spot. You need support. How can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and regain his footing.

His experience is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. While the public is now better used to addressing the pressure on mums and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his difficulties are symptomatic of a broader inability to talk between men, who still internalise negative ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and stays upright with each wave."

"It is not a display of failure to ask for help. I didn't do that soon enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men often don't want to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - most notably ahead of a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental state is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the opportunity to take a respite - going on a couple of days overseas, separate from the family home, to gain perspective.

He understood he required a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's emotions alongside the logistical chores of taking care of a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she longed for" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has reshaped how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotion and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen was without reliable male parenting. Even with having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, profound emotional pain resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "bad choices" when in his youth to modify how he was feeling, seeking comfort in substance use as an escape from the pain.

"You find your way to things that aren't helpful," he notes. "They can short-term modify how you feel, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Managing as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - when you are swamped, tell a family member, your partner or a professional about your state of mind. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the things that made you feel like you before becoming a parent. This might be going for a run, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the body - eating well, physical activity and where possible, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is coping.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their journeys, the difficult parts, along with the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Know that asking for help isn't failing - taking care of you is the optimal method you can look after your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead give the safety and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - processing the feelings safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they confronted their issues, changed how they communicate, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their children.

"I'm better… sitting with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, sometimes I believe my purpose is to guide and direct you on life, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am discovering just as much as you are on this path."